My spouse is dominating !!

[ZC]

In most cases its husband or is is it that men dont complain abt this for fear of society. What is the masculine gender for Gayyali? Anyway. Y does a girl think that my boyfriend/husband should be more educated and earn more money than i am/do. and ask for equal rights and complain about domination/dominating partner. what is the psychology behind this? i have two points to make. POINT 1: its animal behaviour, look at any animal and ull realize that this is true. female wants the strongest male and the male always domnates the female. its in the evolution. which means, u can never get equal rights. no point asking for it, u cant change the evolution pattern that came over millions of years. so, if ur unhappy in a marriage, get a divorce, like the westerners do, when u once realized that this relationship is not based on equality, then u can never get it coz the genes are already fixed and the behaviour is also fixed, u cant change the character justcoz ur married. POINT 2: as a solution to thsi problem of dominating behaviour of the spouse, love marriage is fine, but again, love marriages like those in India, where people marry based only on body chemistry or talking for a few hrs in a week are destined to doom. i feel, u should know each other for a while, may be a couple of yrs or more before u marry. and then u may realize that this is not going to work and start looking for a new partner and get into the risk which is trial and error. else u r destined to be dominated (either way, husband or wife can be dominating). CONCLUSION 1: u should have to be highly lucky if the marriage is successful(no domination) when its an arranged marriage or uve known the partner only for a little time. CONCLUSION 2: May be astrology is all abt that, finding the right partner without exactly knowing abt that person. May be not. Who knows !!

[neeraja]

Hi Zc,
<br>
<br>A very complicated topic for discussion..eeuh...

[anil kumar]

hi ZC!
<br>an interesting but slightly controversial topic...
<br>in INDIA, i repeat in INDIA, the social norms preceed individual choice. hence, whether ur spouse is gayyali or not or if a hubby is moorkhudu or not, the relation though estranged, still remains primarily due to social restrictions, controls and combination of similar parametres. hence if either of the spouses domineer (even genetic coding does say so), the solution in INDIA would not be to break up but bear it. that is the precise reason u find infidelity in this country more than anywhere else. such things may be against personal freedom or choice, but the society has been built like that over a period of time and hence this complication. i hope u do not have such an issue back home...
<br>nice topic though.
<br>anil

[JustaLittleUnwell]

Anil Kumar, I am not sure why you think that a person has to give up his/her personal freedom for the sake of complying to some \'social norm\', just because he/she is in India. Problems like these are universal, so why should we think we are a different species and seek a solution that is unique and which is worse than the problem? I feel it is the social norms that need a change.

[ZC]

At this point, i should ask, How will a divorcee be looked at in India (in cities).

[I am a way lot stronger now]

Now? I do not know but several years back when I sought divorce from my husband who is my childs\' father (due to severe physical and mental abuse, even during my pregnancy), I was so very looked down upon and laughed at and talked about by educated women, of all the persons !! I felt I would have had some understanding and compassion had I been widowed, but not a divorcee ! I could not get away saying I am unmarried or widowed, obviously because of my child and his future..

[ZC]

so JLU, easier said than done, cant change the society so easily ..............may be its in the genes!!

[ZC]

Dear Moderator:Is there a possibility of starting polls. we can do a lot of surveys, but for now. i want to start one: Do u feel (very often) that i shouldnt have married him/her.

[JustaLittleUnwell]

ZC, u missed the ID of the lady, pls read it
<br>
<br>The society can\'t be silenced, it will talk rot about you even if you lead the most perfect life. So, let it talk whatever it wants. Atleast our personal freedom and happiness is in our hands, which we can choose to seek.

[ZC]

i didnt miss it. i want to ask: at what cost has she become stronger. i can surely say, she may still be getting nightmares sometimes !! i hope the attitude of the society changes, atleast in cities !! more than this, i want to know the % of people who are unhappy with their marriage. i hope the moderator provides a section for polls !!

[I am ...stronger now]

Ofcourse I do feel that I should not have married him, ever !

[I am...stronger now]

Ofcourse I do feel that I should not have married him, ever . I feel I should have given ideally a loving, compassionate, emotionally strong, educated (in the real sense of the term too), fun-loving, father to my child. No I do not get nightmares but it is with at times anger that I remember those days. We all are very thankful that I came out of such an abusive relationship more so keeping my child in mind for the atmosphere that I would have given to grow up in . That thought of the atmosphere for my child made me shudder just now too.

[sajeeva rao]

ZC My answer in this message is the spouse domination occurs only when hubby cannot control her wife. A Horse Riders or Bulluck cart Riders Riding depends on him. If he is capable or if he rides well then he can reach his destiny other wise he cannot. Like wise Husband must have the below qualities. 1. He must fullfill her desires. 2. He must have control upon her (In every matter) 3. He must Satisfy her completely. The spouse domination problem arises when a husband lacks the above qualities. The above qualities are must and should for a husband to dominate her wife.

[Mayavi Morpheus]

Geee....what a piece of c*ap.
<br>Sorry for being blunt, but ur comparision of women to cattle is not just ridiculous but is very insulting.
<br>For a happy relation ship, men need not \'control\' woman. If one partner is controlling the other, then its not a wife and husband relationship, but a cattle-owner relation ship like u explained.
<br>Relationships should be based on mutual respect, not on control of partners.

[ZC]

Sajeeva rao garu, may be u need to improve ur english, may be ur trying to convey a different message....what we are reading is very O:)