Joint Families. Extinct!!?

[akhilis2cool]

Hi guys,

I have been born and brought up in a joint family. It concerns me that todays couples prefer to have a seperate home away from there parets. It is a very bad sign.



I remember what an expirince it used to be when we (15 members) family used to go to places like Zoo, Gandipet etc. all in one car!!! we were 8 kids (4 guys & 4 gals)so we could fit in the dikki (the car was like todays sumo) and the elders used to occupy the front seats.



As we grew up the house became a little too small so one of my uncles had to move out. But that didnt reduce the love and affection between the family members.



today young couples prefer individual flats, i think they r missing out on one of lifes greatest joys, living in a big family.



Its good to have friends but when u come back home the family is what will take care of u.



Ok there will be some tiffs but that is normal. Whats important is staying together in all seasons.



what say?

[CtrlAltDel]

nuclear also families have their advantages in today's world...first of all they are economically viable in cities, for most middle class couples, esp those who move to a new city and have to live in a small flat.



also these days there is more potential for a huge generation gap and related issues it raises with elders. in such cases its better to stay alone. in a simple example, lets say yr wife wants to wear western clothes n u dont mind, but yr elders object....what do u do? ignoring yr wife's wishes is bad and convincing dogmatic elders is a pain...



this is a silly example, but such small things accumulate over years and explode painfully one day. its better to live distant and maintain cordial loving relationship.



in some cases its necessary to have a joint family...like supporting your parents...in such cases a certain adjustment is needed...but here elders need to understand the young couple and try not to make life hard for them.



joint family has tremendous advantages, but difficult to implement in cities.

[Five7Jaan]

Of course the good ole days were perfect! It will always seem that they were more innocent.

You have to realize people have different opinions to enforce. I agree with Crtl, it is better now to live distant and keep a cordial relationship when living in the cities.

You have to adapt to new ways of life and society. There is no use in window-shopping the past, you can never have it. It is good to be remembered and looked at.



-Five7Jaan

[azazel]

born n brought up in a joint family, still live together .. my family n 3 uncles.. its lovely to have such a large family and love n affection thats bestowed on ya.. but, still.. there's nuthin more i crave for than to have an experience living alone, to have ur own space.. i guess, these days its the nuclear families that have become more n more common n joint families r pretty rare.. but, its still fun .. a few tiffs apart.. i think its better to b financially independent in such a case .. one thing that reminds me as to how lucky i am.. my mom had a stroke a coupla years which turned out to b a small blood clot in the brain. me, my cuz n 2 uncles carried her downstairs, while she was unconscious @ 2 in the night !! can u imagine that if we were alone?? my dad's a heart patient n its just me who'd have to b there for my folks..

so, its pretty much even for both nuclear/joint families..

to each , his own

[akhilis2cool]

nuclear also families have their advantages in today's world...first of all they are economically viable in cities, for most middle class couples, esp those who move to a new city and have to live in a small flat.

also these days there is more potential for a huge generation gap and related issues it raises with elders. in such cases its better to stay alone. in a simple example, lets say yr wife wants to wear western clothes n u dont mind, but yr elders object....what do u do? ignoring yr wife's wishes is bad and convincing dogmatic elders is a pain...

this is a silly example, but such small things accumulate over years and explode painfully one day. its better to live distant and maintain cordial loving relationship.

in some cases its necessary to have a joint family...like supporting your parents...in such cases a certain adjustment is needed...but here elders need to understand the young couple and try not to make life hard for them.

joint family has tremendous advantages, but difficult to implement in cities.

Sorry CAD,



I dont agree with u.



First of all, a joint family is not only abt living with ur parents it is also abt living with the families of ur fathers brothers. when there are a good number of elders and youngsters the generation gap will reduce. By staying away the gap will only increase.



u actually sound more like a Joru Ka Gulaam please dont mind but thats what i felt after reading ur post. Adjustments are not a one way traffic it has to happen from both the sides if peace has to prevail.



With a joint family U have more people to share ur joys and sorrows.



I agree that in todays cities it may not be possible but thats only b`coz of the costs involved, and todays generation only thinks abt there own comforts. There were times when families and not individuals were the priority.



A joint family is like a democracy and hence it is the best reflection of the indian society. Nucleus families belong to he west.

[azazel]

A joint family is like a democracy and hence it is the best reflection of the indian society. Nucleus families belong to he west.

i agree with that ..

the family is on the way out in the west, by the looks of it..

[akhilis2cool]

Of course the good ole days were perfect! It will always seem that they were more innocent.
You have to adapt to new ways of life and society. There is no use in window-shopping the past, you can never have it. It is good to be remembered and looked at.
-Five7Jaan

Society is us. it will shape the way we like it to. if we cant control the society we can a atleast control our own lives and families.



Tell me why do most of the people like to work in big organisations? b`coz they like the atmosphere, more friends can be made and yet every body has his/her privacy. A joint family is no different. There is a head of the family who takes most of the crucial decision and the rest listen to him/her. that doesnt mean every body else will keep quiet and listen, they will have there opinions and a good elder will listen to them. Isnt that happening in todays big organisations.



its sad that people like working with big companies and living alone.

[akhilis2cool]

i agree with that ..
the family is on the way out in the west, by the looks of it..

The west never had any family tradition. they inly had money tradition. thats why they have lots of money and least of happiniess.



In a survey a few years back, abt the most happiest nations in the world, Bangladesh ranked first. Most of the western countiries were way behind.

[CtrlAltDel]

when there are a good number of elders and youngsters the generation gap will reduce. By staying away the gap will only increase.

no, i think 'distance will make heart grow fonder'.

Generation Gap is all about the mindset of young and old. each think in a different way and elders usually try to impose on young. times change but so should elders.

u actually sound more like a Joru Ka Gulaam please dont mind but thats what i felt after reading ur post. Adjustments are not a one way traffic it has to happen from both the sides if peace has to prevail.

not fair
keeping your wife happy is not being a Joru ka ghulam. u r expected to do that. in most joint families, only the youngsters (or bahus) are expected to adjust to the elder's wishes. thats not always good. even the elders have to change their mindset to accomodate the young...and this rarely happens.

even privacy is at a premium in joint families. every member or couple cannot have their own room or personal space. interference in a couple's own matters is irritatingly common.

With a joint family U have more people to share ur joys and sorrows.

this i agree.

I agree that in todays cities it may not be possible but thats only b`coz of the costs involved, and todays generation only thinks abt there own comforts.

its practically difficult to find a house large enuf to accomodate an extended family of uncles n aunts n cousins, unless u r rich and have a huge ancestoral house.

A joint family is like a democracy...

i disagree. it usually turns out to be dictatorship of elders, however good the intentions maybe. youngsters are usually 'convinced' by others to listen to elders.

Nucleus families belong to he west.

open yr eyes dude...its here since last few decades

i live in a small joint family with my parents as well as my wife n my son. my parents are luckily very progressive and never impose themselves on me or my wife. we get our own space and live together a happy family. this wud be difficult if i have to accomodate uncles n aunts in my 3 bedroom flat.

most of the benefits u state are good only from the point of view of the unmarried and the children.

Tell me why do most of the people like to work in big organisations? b`coz they like the atmosphere, more friends can be made and yet every body has his/her privacy. A joint family is no different. There is a head of the family who takes most of the crucial decision and the rest listen to him/her. that doesnt mean every body else will keep quiet and listen, they will have there opinions and a good elder will listen to them. Isnt that happening in todays big organisations.

dude, which company do u work for? i'd like to work there too!



companies or big joint families, elders do listen to opinions, but in the end THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT...! again...privacy is possible only if the house, or office, is large enuf...

[azazel]

i absolutely loathe those who cant take care of their parents..

the only thing i'd want in my current state is more space

[black wizard]

well...joint families can also be a pain in all the wrong places...



there is no such thing as privacy in joint families...

objections, objectoins, objectins...thats all that one gets to hear.



speakin of joint familes...my friend is very supportive of his joint family...

His mom, dad, sister and brother all smoke JOINTS together!

[akhilis2cool]

when there are a good number of elders and youngsters the generation gap will reduce. By staying away the gap will only increase.

no, i think 'distance will make heart grow fonder'.

Generation Gap is all about the mindset of young and old. each think in a different way and elders usually try to impose on young. times change but so should elders.

u actually sound more like a Joru Ka Gulaam please dont mind but thats what i felt after reading ur post. Adjustments are not a one way traffic it has to happen from both the sides if peace has to prevail.

not fair
keeping your wife happy is not being a Joru ka ghulam. u r expected to do that. in most joint families, only the youngsters (or bahus) are expected to adjust to the elder's wishes. thats not always good. even the elders have to change their mindset to accomodate the young...and this rarely happens.

even privacy is at a premium in joint families. every member or couple cannot have their own room or personal space. interference in a couple's own matters is irritatingly common.

With a joint family U have more people to share ur joys and sorrows.

this i agree.

I agree that in todays cities it may not be possible but thats only b`coz of the costs involved, and todays generation only thinks abt there own comforts.

its practically difficult to find a house large enuf to accomodate an extended family of uncles n aunts n cousins, unless u r rich and have a huge ancestoral house.

A joint family is like a democracy...

i disagree. it usually turns out to be dictatorship of elders, however good the intentions maybe. youngsters are usually 'convinced' by others to listen to elders.

Nucleus families belong to he west.

open yr eyes dude...its here since last few decades

i live in a small joint family with my parents as well as my wife n my son. my parents are luckily very progressive and never impose themselves on me or my wife. we get our own space and live together a happy family. this wud be difficult if i have to accomodate uncles n aunts in my 3 bedroom flat.

most of the benefits u state are good only from the point of view of the unmarried and the children.

Tell me why do most of the people like to work in big organisations? b`coz they like the atmosphere, more friends can be made and yet every body has his/her privacy. A joint family is no different. There is a head of the family who takes most of the crucial decision and the rest listen to him/her. that doesnt mean every body else will keep quiet and listen, they will have there opinions and a good elder will listen to them. Isnt that happening in todays big organisations.

dude, which company do u work for? i'd like to work there too!

companies or big joint families, elders do listen to opinions, but in the end THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT...! again...privacy is possible only if the house, or office, is large enuf...

A joint family is a shared burden. No one person manages the home, every body contributes, tell me how is that different from a democracy.



I agree that it is difficult to find a big place, especailly in todays high cost cities.



Employees are never happy in companies where the boss is always right. Similarly in joint families as well people wont be happy if the head is more like a dictator. BUt how can that be true abt all the joint families? Todays folks are more friendly than there ancestors.



U say interference is irritating. yes it is. but if there is some problem between the couple then the same people will help them out.



Joint families are indeed like democracy. they have there own set of problems but the solutions will also be there. If u say that by living alone u will not have any problems then I am sorry i dont agree with u.

In ur case u live with ur parents, which i appreciate whole heartedly. How many people do u think even do that?



Look at how many parents live in old age homes today thanks to the nucleus family funda.



Nuclues families may be good for youngsters but they r hardly good enough for the old parents. Would u like to live alone after u grow old, away from ur kids and grand children?

[CtrlAltDel]

Employees are never happy in companies where the boss is always right. Similarly in joint families as well people wont be happy if the head is more like a dictator. BUt how can that be true abt all the joint families? Todays folks are more friendly than there ancestors.

buddy...its not the matter of being friendly or not. its the matter of whether u're ideas n thots wud be appreciated and understood by elders who have a different value system. this is called "Generation Gap".

u may have modern ideas on many matters and wud like to live by them, but what wud u do if yr elders feel u r wrong, as per their value system? can u lead yr own life as u wish in a joint family? i am not equating modern with immoral here.

everybody needs a place where he or she can feel he/she is the boss. this is necessary for personal growth and mental peace. and i dont see it happening much in a family.

there wud always be an undercurrent of resentment, tho it might not come out in open. but a day wud surely come when the dam wud burst and the concerned person(s) leave the joint family after a fight.

U say interference is irritating. yes it is. but if there is some problem between the couple then the same people will help them out.

help should come only when required. most of the fights between spouses can be solved by themselves. but in a joint family a small spat will draw in all the elders who will give all sorts of opinions and remedy, when it cud only worsen the situation.

Joint families are indeed like democracy. they have there own set of problems but the solutions will also be there.

no..not all problems...Generation Gap u see. either the elders or the youngsters will have to surrender, without feeling good abt it.

If u say that by living alone u will not have any problems then I am sorry i dont agree with u.

never said that...nuclear family has a set of its own disadvantages.

In ur case u live with ur parents, which i appreciate whole heartedly.

thanQ!

Look at how many parents live in old age homes today thanks to the nucleus family funda.

thats a sad fall out. kids should take care of parents in their old age. the joint family i am ranting against consists of assorted uncles, aunts, cousins and numerous other beings.



here parents must realise that they cannot, and should not, rule over their kids after a certain stage, esp sons after marriage. they must recognize that the next generation has its own values and have to respect it. they should act as trusted advisors and friends but not rulers. only then will peace prevail in the family.



if the head(s) of an extended joint family act this way, i dont see any problems with it.

[azazel]

i think the gist of everything so far, as far as Joint families are concerned.. is that everyone should be given the space they need.. everyone should not b playin BIG BROTHER

if all can live with that.. things'll b smooth n calm

[Mayavi Morpheus]

The concept of joint family is more prevalent in North India than in South. I read a report few days back that the young couples and even those with grown up children are severely stressed out due to lack of private space so much that they are resorting to do 'it' in parks and other deserted areas. They have to deal with cops and evil elements just to have some private moments. India has the highest number of people living per room at 2.3/room, second only to pakistan (2.4/room). Imagine what a couple ahs to put up with.

And what if a new comer in the family doesnt get along well with the rest of family?

[ZC]

if the wife asks.........i am living away from parents....y shud u live with ur parents..........then

[azazel]

if the wife asks.........i am living away from parents....y shud u live with ur parents..........then

mm.. thats one thing i couldnt agree with..

my parents r the best thing abt my life .. my biggest priority

stuff like that should b taken care of b4 the wedding..

[ZC]

if the wife asks.........i am living away from parents....y shud u live with ur parents..........then

mm.. thats one thing i couldnt agree with..
my parents r the best thing abt my life .. my biggest priority
stuff like that should b taken care of b4 the wedding..

she would nod b4 marriage and then say the same



my parents r the best thing abt my life......

[azazel]

she would nod b4 marriage and then say the same
my parents r the best thing abt my life......

i'd politely ask her to stay with them then

[ZC]

y the attitude azazel i shud stay with my parents, she cant stay with her parents

[azazel]

y the attitude azazel i shud stay with my parents, she cant stay with her parents

no attitude man, its the way of the world.. but, its ok if u wanna b a ghar jamaai but, my point is i wouldnt leave my folks to the mercy of others, just to please my wife

[ZC]

okay

[azazel]

okay

k.. peace

[azazel]

Thank You !

[BM]

A joint family is like a democracy and hence it is the best reflection of the indian society. Nucleus families belong to he west.

i agree with that ..
the family is on the way out in the west, by the looks of it..

100% Agreed.