Interesting Jokes

[gyanster]

One of my friends who was an engineer refused to believe it Peter. But when I wrote it down for him he got convinced. Perhaps I will send you a PM. Is that Ok ?

[Whiz]

After the recent uproar all over the world about the cartoons of the prophet, a reporter asked Bush.



Do you think it is a good idea to ban cartoons from newspapers.



Bush replied, if there are no cartoons in newspapers, what will I read.

[jenniferfan]

hey man, tht's no joke..........(i noe its lame...so i guess this qualifies for the world's worst joke)

[Sri]

JAYA TV is going To Telecast An English Film on May 11th.( Election Result Announcing Day)

Can You guess the name of the Movie?

[Sri]

Guess Result:

"The Mummy Returns"

[khan]

Alright this is one of my favourite but its a bit nasty. but in the end i would like to share. And here i go



Once After long stay and prayers Miyan bhai got his first child after 15 years of marriage.



Hurray celebration all the way for the family in the celebration miyan bhai want all the muhallah to be part of it so he had a plan of laddu. Incidentally it was the next day to diwali. found all the stores busy no one wanna take the order for his laddus at last he went off to a small raod side shop. in a ghetto. Ordered it.



Great he got the delivery as well on time. But ot his amusement he found hairs in all the laddu here and there small and big. Angry with it miyan bhai lashed his chetak to the shop and argued aboout his genuine complain.



You :~@@:~ have ruined my child's laddu party.



Innocent shop owner says that he was helpless.



Helpless for wat???????



He asked him to come into the dark room down the corner where his alon employee is o job.



He was having only one hand so to make a laddu he have to roll laddu in to his armpit to make it round and get into shape.



where did the hairs come from.



Apology if some feel disgusted if no then enjoy it .

[CtrlAltDel]

i need a puke emoticon

[gyanster]

Yeah, one of the most disgusting jokes I have heard...

[Brigitta]

http://www.ugoto.com/videos/friday-versus-monday.html



This one always makes me laugh!

[khan]

that made smile butnot laugh. but it makes me !!!!!!!!



a bihar diving license application form!!!!!!!!!





howzzat











Bihar Driving License...

====================================

DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM

-----------------------------------------------------------------





NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.

He will give you the licen.





For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.





1. Last name:



(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no



(Check karet box)



2. First name:



(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no



(Check karet box)



3. Age:



(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no



(Check karet box)



4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable



5. Cha! ppal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right



6.Occupason:



(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed



(Check karet box)



7. Number of children libing in the household: ___



8. Number that are yours: ___



9. Mather name: _______________________



10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no,leave blank)



11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)



12. Dental rekard:



(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color



(Check karet box)



13.Your thumb imparesson :

____________________________



(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please

provide your own thumb impression.)



PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS



Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have lepht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand,! use thumb on lepht hand.



NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE. WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS

[khan]

one more from mine stable



Inzys interview - One man who entertains wen cricket matches r over.



Rameez: So Inzy, disappointed with your performance today?

Inzy: Bismilla-e-rehman-e-rahim. Thank you allah.ya the indian batsman is play very good today. we is try very hard but is not win the game.



Rameez: Any words for Dhoni?

Inzy: Ya dhoni is play very well. He is hit his shot very hard in our gaps. In start, we is protect our gaps very well. the grass is also thick.. but dhoni is split our gaps with his bat.



Rameez: Another ordinary bowling performance?

Inzy: Ya our balls is loose. the bowler is went for many run. Asif is bowled well. Also, after some shots the ball is out of shape. umpire is not give another ball.. it is tough to play with one ball.



Rameez: Dropped catches.. did that prove costly?

Inzy: ya the ball is not stick to our hands. we is practice a lot sticking our bat in our hands.. but now we is more practice sticking balls in our hands.



Rameez: Any plans for the next match?

Inzy: ya India is on top but we is try to bounce on our back. Insha allah we is play better.



Rameez: All the best Inzy

Inzy: Thank is you.

[ustaad]

Two families move from Afghanistan to America. When they arrive, the fathers make each other a bet: In a year’s time, whichever family has become more American will win.



A year later when they meet again, the first guy says, “Today I had a McDonalds breakfast, bought a case of Budweiser, and I’m about to pick my son up from football practice in my brand-new SUV. How about you?”



The second guy says, “_ off, terrorist.”

[DRS]

two real time incidents * jokes *



I lost my mobo and there came online my sardar friend.. exact words were



" abbe oyyee u now what i lost my phone today, i had so many contacts...trillions of cute baby pics.. many many messages from y swt hrt...."



Navdeep ( my friend ) : ohh thats sad... was it a landline of mobile ???



Recent prank...



I messages 160 of my friends in my contact list saying " I lost my cell phone somewhere, please gimme a miss call and help me find it" and surprisingly i got 40+ rings

[ustaad]

A really drunk guy at a party walks up to the host and asks, “Do you have some green toilet paper that says, ‘F@#$ you’?”



The host, stunned, answers, “Of course I don’t have any green toilet paper that says, ‘F@#$ you.’”



“Oh, no!” the drunk cries. “I’m really sorry…I think I just wiped my ass with your parrot.”

[Ustaad]

“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Pakistani brags, “and this morning she couldn’t stop telling me how much she adored me.”



“Last night I made love to my wife six times,” the American replies,” and today she said she could never love another man.”



The Indian remains silent, and the Pakistani smugly asks, “How many times did you make love to your wife last night?”



“Once,” says the Indian.



“Only once?” the American snorts arrogantly. “And what did she say to you this morning?”



“‘Don’t stop.’”

[mAnOmAn]

Lawyer - Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse ?

Pathologist - No.

Lawyer - Did you listen to the heart ?

Pathologist - No.

Lawyer - Did you check for breathing ?

Pathologist - No.

Lawyer - So, when you signed the death certificate you weren't actually sure he was dead, were you ?

Pathologist - Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practising law somewhere.



Might be old

[mAnOmAn]

WHy exactly did the chicken crossed the road (VArious replies)

Primary Teacher: To get to the other side.

Plato: For the greater good.

Aristotle: It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

Capt James T Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

Andersen :Consulting Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its Physical Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken to use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge, capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Louis Farrakhan :The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
Martin Luther King: I envision a world where all chicken's will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Moses And God came down from the heavens, and he said unto the chicken, 'Thou shalt cross the road'. And the chicken crossed the road and there was much rejoicing.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it.

Richard M Nixon The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

Bill Clinton :I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again. I did not have sexual relations with that chicken. These allegations are false.
Bill Clinton again While my answers were legally accurate, I did not volunteer information. Indeed I did have a relationship with that chicken which was not appropriate. In fact it was wrong.

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of the crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, 'What the heck was that chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?'

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chequebook.

Oliver Stone: The question is not 'Why did the chicken cross the road?'. Rather it is, 'Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?'

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame or reference.

Buddha: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: The chicken did not cross the road ..... it transcended it.

[mAnOmAn]

An MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall ap. Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.

"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see?

The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute:

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

“Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you? ..............................





“The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, and then speaks:

"Practically...it tells me that someone has stolen our tent

[KK]

Guess Result:
"The Mummy Returns"

lol

[Akshay]

short people smell bad in lifts.

[ustaad]

i could land a chopper on that ass or just use it as a table ( a night stand)

!

[DRS]

omfg

[DRS]

thatz soo curvy

[Niky]

Honest lawyer



An investment counseler decided to go out on her own.She was shrewd and diligent,so business kept coming in,and pretty soon she realised she needed an in-house counsel.



She began to interview young lawyers.



"As im sure you can understand",she started off with on of the first applicants,"in a business like this,our personal integrity must be beyond question"She leaned forward."Mr.Peterson,are you an honest lawyer?"



"Honest?"replied the job prospect."Let me tell you something about honesty.Why, im so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education,and I paid back every penny the minute i tried my very first case."



"Impressive.And what sort of a case was that?"



The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted,"He sued me for the money"

[smack]

hehehehehehe