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Cross-Cultural Marriages

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Cross-Cultural Marriages

by Brigitta » Tue May 09, 2006 9:54 pm

I wondered what your opinions are on these?



I am a European (Irish) Catholic and my fiance is an Indian (Hyderabad) Hindu and we are very very very happy. Thankfully we've never faced any prejudice from anyone but initially both sides of the family were a little bit hesitant.



My parents said 'what if his family find a nice Indian girl for him and then he'll leave you and break your heart'



His parents said 'European girls aren't the same as Indian girls, what if she runs away with another man and doesn't take marriage seriously'.



But all that matters is us. I've never loved or been loved like this in my life and I LOVE the differences between us. I LOVE the way he is a gentle, softly-spoken vegetarian, who respects his parents and doesn't drink, smoke, swear, the way he has respect for women and... :oops: his cute accent... :oops: I LOVE learning Telugu and Hindi and studying Indian Culture and we both feel this is a match made in heaven, we were meant to be together.



Thankfully now, both sides of the family are happy.



His parents said 'you're a grown man and we respect your decision, if you love her, we love her'



My parens said 'if he treats you right and you love him then we're happy and we accept him into the family.



But I read things where people say that 'mixed' relationships don't work and it makes me quite sad at times to think that people think of us as a 'mixed' relationship. Surely ALL marriages are mixed, regardless of culture, skin-colour or language? A marriage is a mix of two people after all?



What are your thoughts I wonder?
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by CtrlAltDel » Wed May 10, 2006 10:13 am

all the best to u Brigitta! if both of u are serious there is no reason why yr marriage wudnt work! :) in my own family there is an instance of a cross cultural "international" marriage and it is successful!



there will always be pessimists who wud quote from a bad "mixed" marriage experienced by a friend's cousin's aunt's neighbour, but remember that no one talks about any successful "mixed" marriage.



the success of your marriage depends on maturity and flexibility shown by both you and your fiance.
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by Amazon » Wed May 10, 2006 8:56 pm

Hi Brigatta!!



Congratulations to hear good things going on with ur mixed culture marriage.

Even my friend a muslim got married to an hindu gal...and they are very happy...It just depends on individuals thinking and strength to stay together when the odd things happen in daily life...



All the best.



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by DRS » Thu May 11, 2006 4:11 am

such a cute match, such a wonderful display of love, such a heart tinkling reality... ... well all the best is all I have :D
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by New HYD » Mon May 15, 2006 4:23 pm

Hi...........

Its really nice to hear this even i have got a cross cultural marriage but somehow i feel its dont work........u know actually what i feel is the girl should learn the boys culture as she has to take the family culture forward....U know in this type of mariage there used to be oppostion also but both should go ahead if they love each other..........but at the end both should fulfil there parents dream also....



What u guys say suppose during marriage and post marriage if the guys parents had said something very bad to te girl should the girl continue with tat notion and always linger around that urs parents are bad............



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Cross cultural marriage

by VJ » Mon May 15, 2006 4:52 pm

I have no boundaries for my girl. When I really love her I don't give a _ about the rest of the world.



To me A Human Being is a Human Being and I treat everyone as a human being rather than on their culture/religion/colour etc.



Congrats Brigatta, Go ahead and be bold to face the complex realities of life. That is what I call worth being a Human Being.



Cheers,

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by betty » Mon May 15, 2006 5:43 pm

New HYD wrote:Hi...........
Its really nice to hear this even i have got a cross cultural marriage but somehow i feel its dont work........u know actually what i feel is the girl should learn the boys culture as she has to take the family culture forward....


Should i start my feminist 'ravings' or jsut let him be?

New HYD wrote:.U know in this type of mariage there used to be oppostion also but both should go ahead if they love each other..........but at the end both should fulfil there parents dream also....


make up your mind - should they marry or should they listen to their parents and marry a girl/guy which their parents choose?

New HYD wrote:What u guys say suppose during marriage and post marriage if the guys parents had said something very bad to te girl should the girl continue with tat notion and always linger around that urs parents are bad............




How's that related to cross-cultural marriage?
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by CtrlAltDel » Mon May 15, 2006 7:59 pm

betty wrote:Should i start my feminist 'ravings' or jsut let him be?
arre...start the raving...long time since i heard one from u! :lol:
betty wrote:How's that related to cross-cultural marriage?
he seems confused...part of him wants to run away with his "cross-cultural" girlfriend and other part wants him to be a goody-goody son n listen to his parents
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by Betty » Tue May 16, 2006 11:46 am

CtrlAltDel wrote:
betty wrote:Should i start my feminist 'ravings' or jsut let him be?
arre...start the raving...long time since i heard one from u! :lol:


No no, said enough in the 'can you help me' thread.... :oops:

CtrlAltDel wrote:
betty wrote:How's that related to cross-cultural marriage?
he seems confused...part of him wants to run away with his "cross-cultural" girlfriend and other part wants him to be a goody-goody son n listen to his parents




Ah now you cleared my doubts...thanks a ton!!! Subah subah confujon achchha nahin hota... :P
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International Marriages

by kris » Mon May 22, 2006 11:44 am

International Marriages are uncommon. There is no reason why they should not succeed. Marriage are between two individuals after all.



However, marriages are also between two families and cultures.



If as individuals the husband and wife are of the same wavelength it is fine. But, when ti comes to family and cultures a lot more has to be sacrificied.



This is the real test.



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Re: International Marriages

by Brigitta » Fri May 26, 2006 5:36 pm

kris wrote:Marriage are between two individuals after all.

Exactly.
kris wrote:However, marriages are also between two families and cultures.

I do worry about this. I don't want to go into it but my father is very different from his father. However they live very far away from each other.

kris wrote:If as individuals the husband and wife are of the same wavelength it is fine. But, when ti comes to family and cultures a lot more has to be sacrificied.

This is the real test.


2 things spring to mind here. Firstly that if you love somebody enough you will try to make allowances when they (due to inexperience) say or do the wrong thing and Secondly, if they love you enough they will try to make any mistake only once.



It's all about respect. I must try to respect his culture and he must try to respect mine. I must try to be tolerant if he makes a mistake and he must try to be tolerant if I make a mistake.



These things are only difficult if you don't love each other enough, well that's what I think. I can't speak for anybody else because we don't have any external pressure from anybody else. I'm sure that the pressure will increase after the baby is born but we are still very happy and the fact that we come from opposite sides of the world has never caused any problems with us. :D
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cross cultural marriages

by VJ » Sat May 27, 2006 9:19 pm

I'm sure that the pressure will increase after the baby is born




Wait and see waht happens after that. I guess u shouldn't have any problem. But the baby will definitely have some problems in understanding two different cultures and the people with different mentalities.



And more over if u r in India the ego feeling from the Indian family side should dominate in any of the cultural proceedings. My statements shouldn't make u think in terms of that.:o



However, If everybody loves you, everyone is educated enough, then that should be it for a happy living. Goodluck anyways.



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