by Cragg » Sat Jun 24, 2006 12:52 pm
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three ... one to write the order, one to consult, and one to watch the nurse do it.
Q: How many surgeons, does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, they just hold the bulb and the whole world revolves around them!
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really want to change.
A: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two - One to do the job and a professor to take the credit.
Q. How many lawers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. How many can you afford?
Q. How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A. What kind of answer did you have in mind?
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: That's easy - A Fish.
Q. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 10. 1 to change it and 9 to write the documentation.
Q: How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, that's a hardware problem.
Q: How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three -
One to write the light bulb removal program,
One to write the light bulb insertion program, and
One to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure that nobody else
tries to change the bulb at the same time.
Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100 - ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank," and 20% of the definitions are of the form " ...... consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks."
Q. How does an American change a light bulb?
A. He doesn't. He throws the lamp away and buys a new one.
Q. How many nuclear scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Ten. 1 to install the new one and 9 to decide what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
Q: How many survivors of a nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.
Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a truckload of light bulbs!
Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One - but it takes at least three light bulbs.
Q: How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on what you want to change it into.
Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, it turned itself in.
Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000.
Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven - Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection. Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all the light bulbs they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk et al. The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.
Q: How many light bulb jokes does it take to change a light bulb joke?
A: Hmmmm - the probability that a given light bulb joke will be submitted to the net in any given week is 0.4, and the probability that it will have changed detectably since the last transmission is 0.2. Hence (assuming independence, which is reasonable since no submitter of a light bulb joke ever seems to know it has been submitted before, within the last 2 or 3 weeks), the probability that it will change in a given week is 0.08. So it takes about 12.5 light bulb jokes to change a light bulb joke.
Q: How many net jokers does it take to tell yet-another light bulb joke?
A: 1,622 - One to tell the original joke, and the rest to give some minor variation of it!
Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One.
Q: How many sexists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They have the women to do it for them.
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
Any more questions abt changing light bulbs?????
I have an attitude and I am not afraid to use it.