Should one act or react?

[Aishwarya]

Something really weird happened today. My boss yelled at me for no apparent reason, he has never done that before: Yelling at me and that too for no reason. I immediately wanted to react by saying something mean to him as I was very angry. But I did not and I am glad I didnt.



The whole incident obviously got me thinking. When I was a kid I would go for these morning walks with my father. We would walk couple of blocks and then my dad would buy a newspaper from the a roadside paan shop. Everytime the newspaperwaala would give dad the newspaper , my dad would say "thanks you" but this guy would never respond. Sometimes he was rude too, but almost all the time he was plain grumpy.



One day, I finally asked my father, as to why he'd continued to thank this newspaperwaala when in return all he would do is be rude. He answered, "why should I let him decide how I should behave. I learnt that being nice and grateful is a good thing. Why shouldI I return incivility to incivility. Why should I react to his behaviour?"





See, nobody is unhappier than perpetual reactor. His center of emotional gravity is not within him, where it should be, but in a world outside of him. His spiritual temperature is raised or lowered by the social climtae around him and he is a mere creature at the mercy of these elements.



Praise gives him a feeling of euphoria which is not true and doesnt stay for long as it doesnt come from self approval. Criticism depresses him more than it should and only confirms the shaky opinion he has of himself. Snubs hurt him and the merest suspicion of unpopoularity rouses him to bitterness.



Serenity of mind cannot be attained until we become masters of our attitudes and actions. To let someone else decide whether we should be happy or sad, angry or gracious, elated or depressed is only to reliqnuish control over our own personalities which is ultimately all we possess.



Instead of reacting to things, why cant we take charge of ourselves?!



(I think I sound like some self help book!)

[smack]

React, u could, instantly. But give it some time, u would find ur immediate reaction of giving it back not correct. Many a time when we act without thinking, we end up saying things we do not mean to.



Loved ur father's reply to ur query abt pa shop waala. But at the same time, this applies to one odd instance. If someone is really badgering u for no apparent reason, then give back in spades. Which in ur case does not apply.



So, chill and have a good day

[CtrlAltDel]

acting or reacting happens according to the situation. sometimes we might have to react appropriately to certain things we face. whether acting or reacting, its better to consider the actions properly and not do things at the spur of the moment.

[Reality]

I dont react most of the times, but then reactions are like reflexes you can not control them all the time.

[KK]

Reaction would have only worsen the situation in your case, I suppose.



Did you come up urself in writing those last 3 paras? A very strong dose of philosophy indeed.

[Bimbette]

Ideally, we should not 'react' to any situation. We should just 'respond' to them. When you 'respond' to a situation more often than not it is done with a sense of rationality.



When you react to situations, it's usually in a fit of anger and I read somewhere, "Anger" is one letter short of "Danger" .



This brings to mind a fable...the Buddha along with his disciples was going from door to door collecting alms. At one of the houses, a man yelled out profanities at Him. The Buddha walked away quietly. His disciples were furious at the man and when they asked Him why he didn't give the man a fitting reply, the Budha replied that he chose not to let the words of the man affect him.



So simple yet so profound.



Sorry for sounding preachy but we shouldn't give the 'remote control' of our mind to everyone else. That basically means that as humans we have to deal with all kinds of people and are bombarded by situations everyday. Growth would mean to try and retain a sense of calm even in extreme situations. Easier said than done maybe but we have to keep trying. And as long as we are conscious of it, that's half the battle won.

[gyanster]

Yeah! I never react on someone else's actions..



Except when someone cuts in front of my car. Then I am fuming..

[Reactionary HP]

Hmmm...looks like everyone has a similar view on the issue but me. I'm one who believes in reacting but not a reflex reaction.



Wrt the anecdote narrated by Aishwarya, I don't think I would have done the same thing as Aishwarya's father. Instead, I would have communicated diplomatically to the newspaper guy that he could do better with a smile on his face.



IMO, if we just let things go in the name of not reacting, we end up building communication barriers. After all, we're human. And I feel that reacting to an issue may not always be an angry irrational response. The reaction could also be measured, well thought of and rational. Various freedom movements and revolutions; important scientific discoveries; management successes and many other things have been the result of reactions and not of letting things be. In this regard, I somewhat concur with CAD's view.

[Aishwarya]

Hmmm...looks like everyone has a similar view on the issue but me. I'm one who believes in reacting but not a reflex reaction.

Wrt the anecdote narrated by Aishwarya, I don't think I would have done the same thing as Aishwarya's father. Instead, I would have communicated diplomatically to the newspaper guy that he could do better with a smile on his face.

IMO, if we just let things go in the name of not reacting, we end up building communication barriers. After all, we're human. And I feel that reacting to an issue may not always be an angry irrational response. The reaction could also be measured, well thought of and rational. Various freedom movements and revolutions; important scientific discoveries; management successes and many other things have been the result of reactions and not of letting things be. In this regard, I somewhat concur with CAD's view.

Well, lets look at it this way. HP, what would be your intention when you are trying to diplomatically convey to the newspaper guy that he could do with a better smile?



1. He should be nice to you.\



OR



2. That is generally not how one should behave towards customers and he needs to know that.



Various freedom movements are are a result of certain ideologies of some strong-willed rational people. People who took it upon themselves to change the society for the betterment of people. These people wouldve done the same thing, i.e. working for the happiness of other people, irrespective of how things were around them... The methodology would be different and would suit to the situation....(People who faught for independance would now may be fight for the education of children) ...

[Aishwarya]

Reaction would have only worsen the situation in your case, I suppose.

Did you come up urself in writing those last 3 paras? A very strong dose of philosophy indeed.

Yeah... Should I be saying thanks? Thanks!

[Simply HP]

Well, lets look at it this way. HP, what would be your intention when you are trying to diplomatically convey to the newspaper guy that he could do with a better smile?

1. He should be nice to you.

OR

2. That is generally not how one should behave towards customers and he needs to know that.

I would do the second thing here. Its not just about he being nice to me. And I would be the biggest fool on planet earth if I think I can change him by telling him to be nice to me. But if I tell him that he'll find a positive impact on his business if he maintains a pleasant demenour, some change can surely be achieved here.

Various freedom movements are are a result of certain ideologies of some strong-willed rational people. People who took it upon themselves to change the society for the betterment of people. These people wouldve done the same thing, i.e. working for the happiness of other people, irrespective of how things were around them... The methodology would be different and would suit to the situation....(People who faught for independance would now may be fight for the education of children) ...

True...but where do those ideologies stem from? They are a reaction to certain flaws that these individuals or groups see in either the system or a group or an individual. Had they shied away from reacting like your father (no disrespect intended to either him or his way of dealing with the situation), they would not have been able to achieve what they did.

[Psychoanalyst Aishu]

See, if you chose option two, it means that you are not reacting to him. You are doing something proactive just to ensure that he doesnt behave like that towards anybody not just you. Meaning that you have not only your interests at heart but also others.



My father on the other hand chose not to dignify his behaviour by reacting to it. He thought it was best to let him be but at the same time carry on with his life accodin to his code of conduct. People like my father did not pioneer any revolutions, but they did not hamper them as well and certainly did not incite anything negavtive... People like you have either done society a lot of good or lot of bad... Radical would be the word that would best describe you and I guess progress of any civilization depends on such radical people





So what exactly is action or to act?



According to me, any "response" (like bimbette aplty put it) that has been thought out and is reasonable and has not only your interests at heart but has more profound impact on other things is called an ACTION.



Anything thing done as a reults of impulse or pure emotional outburst is reaction. If you are lukcy then this reaction has positives impacts too, and that depends on the character of the person. But more often than not, that doesnt happen.

[Aishwarya]

acting or reacting happens according to the situation. sometimes we might have to react appropriately to certain things we face. whether acting or reacting, its better to consider the actions properly and not do things at the spur of the moment.

See, when you use the adjective "appropriately" it means that to be able to do so you have Put some thought behind it. Once you have done that, that no longer is "reaction" but an action with a goal in mind and that too a sane one! So i guess when you say react appropriately it means you are actually acting to the situation and not reacting to it.



The otehr thing is, if you did put some thought, you are then prepapred for repurcussions of that action as well (asssuming that you wouldve thought of the repurcussions too). Whcih means that those results would have little or no impact on you... which further implies that you wont be as troubled as you wouldve been had you not thought about it in the first place. GET IT?

[Simply HP]

According to dictionary.com,



re·ac·tion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (r-kshn)

n.



1.

1. A response to a stimulus.

2. The state resulting from such a response.

2. A reverse or opposing action.

3.

1. A tendency to revert to a former state.

2. Opposition to progress or liberalism; extreme conservatism.

4. Chemistry. A change or transformation in which a substance decomposes, combines with other substances, or interchanges constituents with other substances.

5. Physics. A nuclear reaction.

6. Physics. An equal and opposite force exerted by a body against a force acting upon it.

7. The response of cells or tissues to an antigen, as in a test for immunization.



Now, it doesn't attach the precondition of being reflex to the word reaction. And that is just an individual interpretation of the word and should not be taken as a definite meaning.



Reminds me of the word ATTITUDE. People always have some preconcieved notions about the word and invariably attribute negative connotations to it. You must have heard people saying "Oh! He has such an attitude." and this is not said in a very pleasant manner. On the contrary, attitude is a quality that can be both positive as well as negative.

[LOVER!]

hey that reminds me of another word, LOVE.



Love is a noun and a verb. Ideally it should be treated as an action rather than a noun..



I prefer "I love you" over " I am in love with you". The later sort of restricts the beauty of the whole action!

[mango]

ahh.. thats a tough one. go with what you think is good at that point. if you screw that up, toughen up and learn. if not, you're lucky

[Suchi]

I dont react most of the times, but then reactions are like reflexes you can not control them all the time.

I agree with your second part but not the first.



You simply don't have a choice not to react. You always react. In the example that Aishwarya put forward, her father DID react (by deciding not to react verbally). We tend to think that a reaction should always be physical.

If something is noticed by you and if you contemplated what to do about it - that is good enough to be called a reaction.

[mAnOmAn]

"Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power, that is not easy."

[VJ]

I would say to REACT. React in such a way that let the opposite person realise what he is doing and where he is going wrong. If you don't react, the other person will never come to know about his mistakes. Reacting in a constructive way makes a bit of sense to me.



I agree to the saying that reaction is just like our reflexes. But reaction can be controlled with application of one's common sense and positive frame of mind set. This can make a difference to oneself, the opposite person and the entire society.



If our great freedom fighters never reacted then we would never obtain our freedom.



@VJ

[MayPeaceBeUponU]

Very well expressed Aishwarya. You should consider yourself previleged to come to the realization this early on, that your state of mind should not be dictated by anybody/anything else other than yourself. Some go through a lifetime and still dont get it. However, realizing it is one thing and practicing it at a subconcious level, like your dad did, is another. Kudos to him.

[Aishwarya]

Very well expressed Aishwarya. You should consider yourself previleged to come to the realization this early on, that your state of mind should not be dictated by anybody/anything else other than yourself. Some go through a lifetime and still dont get it. However, realizing it is one thing and practicing it at a subconcious level, like your dad did, is another. Kudos to him.

Thank you MPBUU. Valekum Assalam I am still working on the preaching that I gave. Easier said than done. IN some instances where I really did follow them, the results were very satisfying at emotional, practical and spiritual level. So I am motivated!

[MayPeacebeUponU]

Thank you MPBUU. Valekum Assalam I am still working on the preaching that I gave. Easier said than done. IN some instances where I really did follow them, the results were very satisfying at emotional, practical and spiritual level. So I am motivated!

Salam Eilekum! Not that it matters, but I am not a muslim.

Although theoretically speaking, the philisophy should apply at all times to ones behaviour, hence becoming a part of the personality to be happy, but more often than not its hard. Somewhere along the lines, expectations do play a part and lead to pain and hence to more questions than answers. One day, there will be no more questions. Just peace.

[Aishwarya]

may peace be upon you= assalamu allaikum



may peace upon you too= valeikum assalaam!! Thats why the greeting.. Didnt presume anything about your religion!

[MayPeaceBeUponU]

may peace be upon you= assalamu allaikum

may peace upon you too= valeikum assalaam!! Thats why the greeting.. Didnt presume anything about your religion!

Pardon my ignorance, and hence assumption.