Joke of the day

[itschahat]

Girl : If you will try to kiss me main shor macha dungi

Boy : lekin yahan to dur tak koi nahi hai.

Girl : I know per formality to karni hi padegi.



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- Chahat



Email funny messages to your friends:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"

Pupil : "The moon".

Teacher : "Why?"

Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the

day time when we don't need it".



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- Chahat



Looking for New Year SMS? Find it here:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

Teacher:- "Right, there are five birds sitting on a telephone line. A farmer comes along with his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?"



Little Johnny:- "None Miss".



Teacher:- "Could you tell me why?"



Little Johnny:- "Well Miss, when the farmer shot the bird, the sound of the gun would have frightened the other birds away".



Teacher:- "Well, the answer I was looking for was four. But I like your thinking."



Little Johnny:- "Miss, while were asking questions, could I ask you one?"



Teacher:- "Its a bit irregular, but go on then"



Little Johnny:- "There are three women sitting on a bench in the park, eating ice lollies. One of them is licking the lolly; one is biting it; and one is putting it in and out of her mouth. Which one is married?"



Teacher (rather embarrassed):- "Err... I suppose it was the last one."



Little Johnny:- "Well Id have said the one with the wedding ring. But I like your thinking."



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- Chahat



Looking for New Year SMS? Find it here:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.



Several years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.



The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is."



The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his services. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.



The engineer responded:



One chalk mark . . . . . . . . . . . . . $1

Knowing where to put it . . . . . . . $49,999



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- Chahat



New Year is coming near. Have you send new year sms to your friends?

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.



I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay.



Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.



Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shutdown for a while.



I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend was totally "object-oriented."



A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0.So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw, which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.



I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.



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- Chahat



My collection of the best Happy New Year SMS:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

There were three preachers: a Catholic, a Baptist, and a rabbi. They are all fishing out in the lake when all of a sudden the Baptist has to go to the bathroom. So he gets up and walks across the water, does his business, and comes back. Then all of a sudden the rabbi has to go, so he gets up and walks across the water, does his business, and comes back.

Then the Catholic has to go, but when he gets out he falls into the water, so he swims back, gets back into the boat, looks up, and says, ''God, let me walk across the water.'' Then he tries again and falls into the water, so he swims back, tries again and he falls again.



The Baptist leans over to the rabbi and says, ''Do you think we should tell him where the stepping stones are?''



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- Chahat



Send your friends Merry Christmas Greetings:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip... but there were problems everywhere.



Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.



Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit.



This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.



More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.



So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.



In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.



Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.



The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree?

Where would you like me to stick it?"



And thus began the tradition of sticking the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.



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- Chahat



Send your friends Merry Christmas Greetings:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons.



"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."



The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top its head.



The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals, unscathedas promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer."I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar."I'll try..." said a small woman, "But you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle!"



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- Chahat



New Year Greetings:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.



The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.



The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"



The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fife is using that seat?"



The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another" trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.



Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."



The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"



The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.



The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.



An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."



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- Chahat



Find new year greetings here:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

WOMAN : You remind me of the sea.

MAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?

WOMAN : NO, because you make me sick.



Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"

Pupil : "A teacher".



Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"

Customer : "What other colors do you have?"



My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.



Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"

Sam : "It's a family tradition".

Teacher : "What do you mean?"

Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".

Teacher : "What about your mother?"

Sam : "She's a woman".



Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,what virtue would I be showing?"

Student : "Brotherly love".



Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"

Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".



Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."



Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"

Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

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- Chahat



Have you send merry christmas greetings to your friends?

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

A guy's enjoying his drink at the bar when he hears a tiny voice saying, "That's a nice shirt you're wearing tonight." He looks around, then realizes that no one is there.



He shrugs it off and continues drinking. A couple minutes later he hears another tiny voice saying, "You look really handsome with your hair combed like that." Once again he looks around, and once again realizes that nobody is talking to him.



He calls the bartender over and tells him about the tiny voices. The bartender asks him what the voices are saying. When the guy tells him, the bartender says, "Oh, those are the peanuts. They're complimentary."



----------

- Chahat



Send your friends Merry Christmas Greetings:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."



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- Chahat



Christmas is coming near... Have you send christmas sms to your friends?

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.



A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."

"Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends."

"Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule."



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- Chahat



My collection of the best Happy New Year SMS:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By surprising coincidence both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.



'Oh, my,' said the bunny, 'i'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, i can't see where i'm going. In fact, since i'm also an orphan, i don't even know what i am.'



'It's quite ok,' replied the snake. 'Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe i could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you.'



'Oh, that would be wonderful,' replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, 'well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit.'



'Oh, thank you! Thank you,' cried the bunny in obvious excitement.



The bunny suggested to the snake, 'maybe i could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way you've helped me.' So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, 'well, you're scaly and smooth, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be either an accountant, or possibly someone in senior management.'



----------

- Chahat



Looking for New Year SMS? Find it here:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.



"What are you doing?" She asked.

Hunting Flies" He responded.

Oh!, Killed any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone".



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- Chahat



Don't forget to send new year sms to your friends:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

There once was a lady who was tired of living alone.

So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements.

She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed.

Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring.

She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.



----------

- Chahat



My collection of the best Happy New Year SMS:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

One day a man was sitting in his living room

watching tv when all of a sudden the doorbell

rang.The man then went to the door to see who

was there.When he opened the door he found a

six foot cockroch standing in front of him.

The cockroch then proceeded to punch him in

the face and leave.



The next day the man was

sitting in his living room watching tv when

then the doorbell rang.The man answered the

door and then again found himself staring at

the same cockroch that had hit him the day

before.Then the cockroch kicked him in the

shin and poked his eye out and then proceeded

to leave.



The next day the man was AGAIN

sitting in his living room watching tv when

the doorbell rang.And yet AGAIN the same

cockroch was standing there.Then the

cockroch stabbed him several times and then

yet again proceeded to leave.This time the

man managed to drag himself to his phone and

call the police.He was taken to the nearest

hospital and was kept there over night.The next

day the doctor came in to talk to the man

about what happened the night before.

"Tell me son",the doctor asked,"what happened

last night?"

"I was attacked by a six foot cockroch!",the

man replied.

"Yeah,I heard there was a "nasty bug" going

around."



----------

- Chahat



Looking for New Year SMS? Find it here:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits the bartender comes over, and asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"

"I'll have a beer, too" says the ostrich.

The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again." The usual?" asks the bartender.

"Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man.

"Same for me" says the ostrich.

"That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs."

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- Chahat



Collection of funny hindi sms:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

At school little krish was told by a classmate

That most adults are hiding at least one dark

Secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail

Them by saying, "i know the whole truth."



Little krish decided to go home and try it

Out. He went home, and as he was greeted by his

Mother he said, "i know the whole truth." His

Mother quickly handed him $20 and said, "just

Don't tell your father."



Quite pleased, the boy waited for his father

To get home from work, and greeted him with,

"I know the whole truth." Tommy's father promptly

Handed him $50 and said, "please don't say a

Word to your mother!"



Very pleased, the boy was on his way to school

The next day when he saw the mailman at his front

Door. Little krish greeted him by saying, "i

Know the whole truth."



The mailman immediately dropped the mail, opened

His arms saying, "then come give your daddy a big hug."



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- Chahat



Want to read more funny sms jokes? Click Here

[Chahat]

A farmer and his son were both very lazy.

As they sprawled in their chairs one day, the father said :

'John, go out and see if it's raining'.

'Ah father, can't you call in the dog and see if he's wet?' answered the son.



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- Chahat



A nice collection of love sms jokes:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

A lawyer, a computer specialist and a historian are discussing the pros and cons of having a wife, or a mistress.

The lawyer is all for having a wife. He stresses the legality of this kind of relationship and the stability it brings into one's life.

The computer specialist would prefer a lover: "there are times i'm not back home until after midnight anyway. A wife would not stand it.

A looser, on-off type of relationship without that much commitment is what i'm looking for".

Finally, the historian has his say, "i posit that it is best to have both a wife and a lover. You see, my wife thinks i'm having a tryst,

My lover thinks that i'm at home, while i take this opportunity to spend a few relaxing hours at the university library."



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- Chahat



Looking for romantic shayari? Click here

[Chahat]

Three men, blind one, deaf one and limping one are going along the track.

Suddenly the deaf one says:

- I can hear a train!

The blind one:

- Oh! I can see it!

And the limping one:

- Let's run away from here, guys!



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- Chahat



All kind of jokes and funny sms:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

2 dumb fishermen decided to rent a boat on a lake for their favorite sport. After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits.



Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught their limit inside of twenty minutes. paul said, (Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come,) Jim says good idea, and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat....to mark the spot....



With that paul says, why did you do that, now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish.



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- Chahat



Email funny messages to your friends:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

Two men working in a facory were talking. "I know how to get some time off," said one.

"How are you going to do that?"

"Watch," he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied."I'm a lightbulb."

"I think you need some time off," the foreman said said, and the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second man followed him.

"Where do you think you're going?" the foreman shouted.

"I can't work in the dark," he said.



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- Chahat



Cute love sms and romantic sms messages:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch

In a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer

Came to help with his big strong horse named

Buddy.He hitched buddy up to the car and yelled,

"Pull, nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.



Then the farmer hollered, "pull, buster, pull!"

Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "pull, coco,

Pull!" Nothing.



Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "pull, buddy,

Pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out

Of the ditch.The motorist was most appreciative and very

Curious.



He asked the farmer why he called his

Horse by the wrong name three times.



"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he

Was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."



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- Chahat



Start your day with these lovely good morning sms:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com