Joke of the day

[Chahat]

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:



"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"



The survey was a huge failure, In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant, In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant, In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant, In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant, In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant, In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant, And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!!!



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- Chahat



Father's Day is coming near ... send Father's Day SMS to your father:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.



WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.



WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.



WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to strangle you.



WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.



WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that your ex is really dying for you to call them at 4:00 in the morning.



WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause serious rug burns on the forehead and chin area.



WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really big guy named Bubba.



WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.



WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to

disappear.



WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may result in pregnancy.



WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants..



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- Chahat



Have fun with your friends by sending funny friendship sms:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

This case happened in a hospital's Intensive care ward where Patients always died in the same bed and on all Sunday morning at 11a.m, regardless of their medical condition.



This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM.



So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves

What the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil........

Just when the! Clock struck 11...



And then......









then.....







































then........













Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and Unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner.



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- Chahat



You would like this Very new seat belt

http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[Chahat]

One day Bush was out jogging and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river.

Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.

After cleaning up he said, "Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I'll give it to you."

The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to Disneyland!"

"I'll personally hand it to you," said Bush. "I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos," the second boy said.

"I'll buy them myself and give them to you," said Bush. "And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it," said the third boy.

"I'll personally ... wait a second, son, you're not handicapped!"

"No, but I will be when my father finds out whom I saved from drowning."



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- Chahat



Send short sms to your friends:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

Our Friend was chatting with a female - Online chat.

Background: both are s/w engineers and both work for real big MNC's



Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?



Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat



Hero: wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat



Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.



Hero: OK



Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)



Manager: Hey, I need some help from you



Hero: [ This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me



Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?



Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.



Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]



(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)



Female: Hey, am back



Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work



Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!



Hero: Yep, u rite!!



Female: Hey, can u do me a favor



Hero: sure, why not.



Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work



Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now. ok?



Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!





NOTE: SO BEWARE OF SUCH FEMALES..!



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- Chahat



Have you checked out these friendship sms text today?:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

A very successful partner in a big firm had a peculiar habit.

He would go to his desk everyday, open a locked drawer, look inside, lock the drawer again, and start his work.

This continued for many days. His subordinates knew that he hid the secret of his success in the drawer, they waited for the opportunity. Then, one day when the partner had gone out of the city, the juniors decided to make a break.



They broke into the drawer, breathlessly, and looked inside.

There was one small piece of paper inside - it said -

"left is debit and right is credit."



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- Chahat



Hindi shayari and hindi sms messages:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the

right person for the right chair? If yes, try this

simple experiment.



Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a

closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3

candidates into the room and close it from outside.

Leave them alone and let them think n come back after

6 hours, and then analyze the situation:



If they are counting and recounting the number of

bricks

PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS DEPT.



If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks

PUT THEM IN ENGINEERING.



If they are arranging the bricks in some other order

PUT THEM IN PLANNING.



If they are throwing the bricks at each other

PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.



If they are sleeping

PUT THEM IN SECURITY.



If they have broken the bricks into pieces

PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.



If they are sitting idle

PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.



If they have thrown the bricks out of the window

PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.



If they are clinging onto the bricks

PUT THEM IN TREASURY.



If they say they have tried different combinations,

yet not a brick has moved

PUT THEM IN SALES.



If they have already left for the day

PUT THEM IN MARKETING.



If they are staring out of the window

PUT THEM IN THE EXPORT.



AND last but not least....



If they are talking to each other and not a brick has

moved

PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT.



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- Chahat



See this FUNNY CHAIR

http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[Chahat]

Santa: Main Ek baar apne baathroom mein SUSU karne gaya......

to waha per Sher tha........



Banta: Phir kya hua????



Santa: Maine Sher se kaha.......Pehle tum kar lo, mera to ho gaya hai.......







Bahu ke 1-2 Affair sun kar Sasur ka Suicide......



3-4 Affair sunkar PATI ka Suicide......



Magar Saas Chup rahi.... Kyo?????







Kyoki Saas bhi kabhi Bahu thi......





History teacher asks Santa,

Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha,

Unke bhai ka kya naam tha?



Santa,

Mam, Adidas!





Sache dost ki 3 Nishaniyan:-







1.Bewaqt Miss Call Karega.



2.SMS Muskura k Padhega.



3.Neeche Mat Padhna..-



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Jo Kaam Mana Karo,



bavkoof Woh Zaroor Karega.



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- Chahat



Email happy birthday sms messages to your friends:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.



"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"



"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."

"How about transportation?" the father asked.



"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.



Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."



"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied.

"We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"



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- Chahat



* Watch this very funny video Airport vrawling

http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[Chahat]

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida old age home.

He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for

a number of years.



Now, one evening, there was a community supper in the big activity center.

These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal

went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up

his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After some 'careful consideration,' she answered, "Yes, I will."



The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to

their respective rooms. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes'

or

did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not



recall.Not even a faint memory. When he tried to see her, he found that

she had gone to visit her daughter.



With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he

explained to her that his memory was not as good as it used to be. Then

he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a

little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would

marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"



He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, I will' and I meant

it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you

called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."



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- Chahat



Click below for funny sms messages:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman,

with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with

the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?



Finally he offered to provide her with free meat

until the boy was 16. She agreed.

He had been counting the years off on his calendar,

and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week,

came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."

"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too,

tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home,

that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."

When the boy arrived home he told his mother.

The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the

butcher and tell him I have also had free bread,

free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years

and watch the expression on his face!"



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- Chahat



Collection of funny and rude sms:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, “Congratulations, you got twins.

The man said “How strange, I’m the manager of Minnesota Twins.



After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, “Congratulations, you got triplets.”

Man was like “Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the “3 musketeers.” Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says

“Congratulations, you got twins x2.” Man is happy and says, “Ironic, I work for the hotel “4 Seasons.”



All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what’s wrong and he answered, “What’s wrong? I work for 7up”!



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- Chahat



Find lots of funny animal jokes at Jokes Duniya:

http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[Chahat]

Since a very long time ago, people have searched for the meaning of love. But even the great philosophers, with their profound definitions, could not fully touch its true essence. In a survey of 4-8 year olds, kids share their views on love. But what do little kids know about love? Read on and be

surprised that despite their young and innocent minds, kids already have a simple but deep grasp of that four-letter word.



"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."



"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."



"Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at him because you know it would hurt his/her feelings."



"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."



"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."



"Love is if you hold hands and sit beside each other in the cafeteria. That means you're in love. Otherwise, you can sit across from each other and be okay."



"Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redbird."



"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."



"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."



"You can break love, but it won't die."



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- Chahat



A good and big collection of hindi sms and hindi shayari:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

Men are like department stores.... their clothes should always be half off.



Men are like vacations.... they never seem to be long enough.



Men are like computers... hard to figure out and never have enough memory.



Men are like coolers... load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.



Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.



Men are like coffee.... the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.



Men are like horoscopes.... they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.



Men are like plungers... they spend most of their lives in a hard ware store or the bathroom.



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- Chahat



Do you enjoy bollywood celebrity jokes? Check out here:

http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[Chahat]

The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.



They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."



Without a moments hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one just as if it's your own."



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- Chahat



Looking for friendship sms? Click below:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees. And here are some of them:



# An applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.



# An applicant wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.



# An applicant fell and broke his arm during the interview.



# A candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office.



# An applicant explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer.



# A candidate said he had never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.



# A balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.



# An applicant said that if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.



# An applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.



# A candidate brought a large dog to interview.



# An applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed while standing up.



# One candidate dozed off during interview.



# The employers were also asked to list the "Most unusual" questions that have been asked by job candidates.



# "What is it that you people do at this company?"



# "What is the company motto?"



# "Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"



# "What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"



# "Why do you want references?"



# "Do I have to dress for the next interview?"



# "I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"



# "Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"



# "Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"



# "Does your health insurance cover pets?"



# "Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"



# "Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"



# "Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"



# "Why am I here?"



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- Chahat



Army Jokes are a lot funny to read. Find them here:

http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[Chahat]

Once there was a man who walked into a confessional. "tell me your sins" said the priest. "Father," replied the man "I have used some foul language over the weekend and I feel absolutely terrible".



"What made you say such foul language?" asked the priest.



"Well, I was out golfing with a few of my close buddies when it was my turn to take a shot. I got out my lucky club and took a swing. Boy did it go far! And it looked like such an accurate shot too! But it must of been an unlucky day or something, because as soon as it passed over the top of it's arch, a bird swooped down and grabbed it, right out of thin air!"



"Is that when you swore?" asked the priest.



"No, not yet," replied the man." you see, all of a sudden the bird began to fly dangerously low,and none other than a dog appeared out of nowhere and grabbed that ball right out of the birds claws and began to run away."



"Is that when you swore?" asked the priest.



"No..........not yet. You see, the dog was very energetic and began to play with it. He did this for a few seconds, then dropped it in the bushes. I was just about to pick it up when a squirrel came running by, put it in it's mouth, than ran away."



"IS THAT WHEN YOU SWORE?" said the priest, getting impatient.



"No, not exactly. What happened was, the squirrel was heading for the forest when a raccoon started to chase it out of the forest, and the squirrel ran on to the golf course and dropped the ball no farther than six inches from the hole."



"Oh now I see." said the priest. "you missed the damn putt, didn't you?"



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- Chahat



Say happy birthday to your friends by sending happy birthday sms:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

A young man went to his grandfather’s place to stay for the weekend. He was sitting down to lunch when he noticed that the spoons and forks were encrusted in a thin filmy substance.



He asked his grandfather,“Are you sure you washed it properly?”



“As clean as cold water can get it” was the reply.



So the young man shrugged and started eating.



The next day at breakfast he noticed that the plates were dirty and grimy. It also smelled a bit like dog.



Are you sure you washed it properly?”



“Clean as cold water can get it” was the reply again.



The man, a bit suspicious for his health, looked at his grandfather, than at his plate and started eating.



As he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog jumped out in front of him, growled and generally blocked him from going forward.



“Cold water, leave the poor boy alone!” shouted the old man from inside.



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- Chahat



Need short bar jokes, click here:

http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[Chahat]

Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races.



However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.



He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!



The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS.



The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.



The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.



The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey.



The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.



The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.



The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go.



Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.



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- Chahat



Have you checked out these friendship sms text today?:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

A local bar regular had been drinking all night. This particular night the regular drank a little more than usual.



The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the regular stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.



Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 3 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face.



He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.



He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting loudly. "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "What makes you say that?" He asks as he puts on an innocent look. "The bar called, you left your wheelchair there again."



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- Chahat



Enjoy reading best business jokes here:

http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[Chahat]

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.



"Wow...that looks deep." "Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."



They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise "Geeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise."



They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing.



They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise."



The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.



Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as its legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.



The two men are astonished with what they've just seen... Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over.



"Hey... have you two guys seen my goat out here?"



"You bet we did! Craziest thing I've ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!"



"Nah", says the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie."



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- Chahat



Cool, funny and rude sms messages:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

A bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,

The person at the window tells him that there is a house full.



So this bihari Says, "Koi baat nahin do house full de do."



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- Chahat



Do you like to read funny computer jokes? Find it here:

http://www.JokesDuniya.com

[Chahat]

Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.

Client: Well, give me the bad news first.

Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene

Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?

Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!



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A young girl walked up to her mother and stared at her hair.

As her mother scrubbed dishes, the girl cleared her throat and sweetly asked,

"Why do you have grey strands in your hair?"

The mother paused and looked at her daughter,

"Everytime you disobey me, I get one strand of grey hair.

If you want me to stay pretty, you had better obey me."

Saying that, the mother quickly returned to her task of washing dishes.

The little girl stood there thinking.

She her throat again, and sweetly asked,

"Mother, why is grandma's hair all grey?



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- Chahat



Friendship Day is coming near... Send these beautiful Friendship Day SMS to your friends

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

One day three people were in a cafè drinking tea,

Three flies, one fell in each cup,



Person numba 1 asked for another cup of tea

Person numba 2 threw the fly away and continued drinking

Person numba 3 took the fly out, slaped it and said

"Spit out the tea you drank, u little thing!!!



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- Chahat



Do you like to read rude sms joke? Check out here:

http://www.SMSFunOnline.com

[Chahat]

On a sunny afternoon three accountants are standing near a tall pole and wondering about the height of the pole. First accountant, a CPA says, I do not think there is any authoritative guidance on how measure the height of a pole, that is not the job of accountants. Second accountant, a professor at a state university says, well, if we take a survey of similar locations and asked people about the height of poles, then we may be able to deduce height of this pole, it will be a good enough estimate. The third accountant is a professor at an Ivy league university. He confidently claims, if we measure the shadow of the pole under different conditions, then I can run a multivariate regression model and can give a very good estimate of the height. As this conservation is going on, an engineer is passing by, he stops and asks about their discussion. Accountants tell him, you probably can not understand this complex problem. The engineer persists and hears about the problem. He smiles, lifts the pole from the base, measures it, and says, "twelve feet and three inches," and walks off. Accountants look at him, laugh contemptuously and say in unison - "hell, we wanted to know the height of the pole and he tells us the length."



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- Chahat



Enjoy reading really funny jokes here:

http://www.JokesDuniya.com